dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
