Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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