I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize