hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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