I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
