I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize