there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
