She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
