He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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