Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
