She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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