Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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