i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
