he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
