Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
