everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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