i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
