I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
