i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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