Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
