it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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