walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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