I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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