I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
