If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
