You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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