when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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