You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
this is an emotional support booty call
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
