Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
