I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
