shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
