Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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