I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
