i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
