i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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