It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
