Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
