woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
