I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
