I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
