I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
