If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
