i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
