You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
