Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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