I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
