The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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