is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
