I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
