Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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