So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize