After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
