fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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