so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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