a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Are my feet made of real feet?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
