I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Drake has all the answers
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
