She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
