We're facebook friends in real life
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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