maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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