ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
