Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
