I got her a Nickelback box set.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This baby is an asshole
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
