The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
