through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
