Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
