It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize