Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
