I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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