we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
