highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
