So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
