Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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