so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
