Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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