His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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