Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
