are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
