Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
