the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize