I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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