I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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