he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
