Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
