If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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