You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
