I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
