she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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