Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize