Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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