Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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