i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
