did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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