ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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