Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize