woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
