There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
