he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
