I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I fill condoms, not promises.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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