you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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