as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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