I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
