So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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