Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
