If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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