last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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