wakey wakey hands off snakey
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
