Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
