I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
