cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
