last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The struggles of a small town man whore
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